Linguistic Spaghetti

CJ (to Lucy): You’re the birthday girl, so you wanted the head of Caterpie, right?

 

Lucy: Pretty much if you see me going for weapons, it’s not a good sign  (on obtaining LEGO accoutrements).

 

CJ: Lucy has homework tonight.
Mark: Is it diabolical homework?
Lucy: Sadly, no.

 

Corey (friend of Katherine): I want to watch a shrimp documentary.

 

Lucy: I just un-huge-ified the video.

 

(Lucy avoids stepping on a slug.)
CJ: Lucy shows mercy to slugs.
Katherine: Yeah, ‘cuz we’re total pacifists.
Lucy: Except for spiders.  Then it’s genocide.

 

Lucy: My hair is a fat booger-butt.

 

CJ (started by a creeper while playing Minecraft): Ahh!  Screeper!
Mark: “Screeper”?
CJ: Keeper!  No wait.  Craper!  (descending into laughter)  It go boom!

Swingset

Spoiler Alert – We finished the swingset last Saturday!

What started out as a large Christmas gift turned into an all-summer project.  You may recall that in "Kitchen Faucet", I included an in-progress picture of "the pit" as a teaser.  Here is the full story.

In the spring, CJ downloaded the instructions for the swingset, and found that the manufacturer recommended a 25’x36′ box, filled with at least 9 inches of mulch or pea-gravel for safety.  We didn’t relish having a 9" or 12" step up to get to the swingset, so we made the decision to dig down, and sink the box into the ground.

Let’s see – 25′ x 36′ x 9" = 25 cubic yards. 

“Moving 25 cubic yards of root-laden, rock-infested dirt shouldn’t be too hard by hand, “ said No One Ever.

I spent one entire Saturday in June trying it, and managed to move less than 1 cubic yard.  We needed a better option.  CJ and I talked about hiring it done, but we were trying to keep costs down.  Then CJ asked, "Could we just rent a Bobcat?"

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Yes.  Yes we could.  Things went a LOT faster after that.

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Of course, being a family project, the entire family had to get in on it.

 

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And we were all geeking out about it.

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Driving the Bobcat never got old.

It took us all Saturday, and part of Sunday, but we got the pit dug.  The following weekend, we started laying out the box that would keep the wood chips in, and the rest of the yard out.  I looked for several weeks for something I could attach to a 2×10 that could be driven into the ground.  My solution was hacky-at-best.  CJ swooped in again to save the day with her find – garden-framing brackets from FrameItAll:

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These brackets mount to the end of a 1×6, and the spikes drive into the ground. 

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The spikes come in two varieties – ground spikes and stacking spikes.  The latter would allow us to stack two boards, one on top of the other.

We started in the back corner, and worked our way around the pit.

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Random math factoid.  Katherine + Power Tools = Fear and Chaos

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We intentionally left out one entire section of the box as a "ramp", thinking ahead to when we would have dozens (if not hundreds) of wheelbarrow-fulls of mulch to drop in.

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Before we could get there, though, we found we needed to put some of the dirt back.  Apparently, we went a little overboard with the Bobcat in taking it out, and there were places that were several inches deeper than we wanted.

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That took us several weekends to complete, mostly because a) it kept raining on the days we were going to work on it, and b) we were really, REALLY getting sick of moving dirt around.  The day we finished it could not come soon enough.

Now it was on to the swingset itself.

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We unboxed it, and found our first step was to pummel the snot out of innocent scraps of wood.

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Ok, the pummeling served to drive the A-frame pieces together so they were snug, but the wood wasn’t fooled for one second.

Then we got to step 2.

Ah yes, step 2.  We need how many bolts?  And we have HOW many bolts?

We found we were missing at least one entire bag of hardware.  So, we assembled what we could, and put in a call to the manufacturer for replacement parts.

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The parts came in a week or so later, and we resumed assembly.

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Only to find that we STILL didn’t have enough parts.  CJ, not wanting to wait another week or more for parts, ran out to Lowe’s and found screws that matched what we were short on.  That allowed us to keep going, and not waste the rest of the day.

CJ and I got the swingset upright, and I tightened everything down.

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The two of us moved the set into position, and discovered to our utter amazement that it was nearly perfectly level right where it was.

Then, of course, we had to try it out.  You know – break it in?

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We added the swings themselves, guestimating how high they would need to be once the mulch was in place.

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Before we could get the mulch in, though, we needed to lay down weed fabric.  It didn’t take very long, but it sucked – literally – because of all of the mosquitos out that night.

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And then came the mulch.

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22 cubic yards of it.

And an army of helpers to move it.

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We put wood down the ramp, and through the middle of the pit to keep the wheelbarrows from tearing up the weed fabric.  Then we raked the mulch into position.  It worked fairly well.

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Once the bulk of the mulch was in, we finished the wall.

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We were storing the extra wood behind the house, where it was shielded from the sun most of the day.  When you put those next to the ones that had been out in the sun for weeks, you can really see the difference.

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We strapped some pool noodles to the cross-beams on the swingset ’cause running into those things with your forehead ends the happy thoughts.

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Ask CJ how she knows.

We filled in the rest of the mulch, and also filled in the outside of the box with dirt to level things out again. 

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The big pieces of this project were now done.

A huge thank you to all the grandparents, John from down the street (not pictured), and my brother for helping bring this massive project to a successful conclusion.

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The girls love it, and every day since we finished have asked "Can I go out and swing?"

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That Sinking Feeling

CJ made it clear yesterday that she wanted the newly cleaned sink to be KEPT clean, for at least 48 hours.  “Let me enjoy it being clean” she said.

The girls and I Cheat Commandos had other ideas.  They decided the sink looked SO nice and inviting, that they’d have a picnic there.  Unfortunately, they weren’t as tidy as they should have been.

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From left to right:

“Ahhhhhhh!!!”

“Oh my G-O-S-H!”

“Mom’s gonna go thermal!”

“Quick!  Hide the evidence!”

 

CJ took the discovery remarkably well.

Kitchen Faucet

For the last month or so, we’ve been working on prepping the backyard for the new swingset.  Unfortunately, three out of the last four Saturdays, the “pit” that will eventually hold the swingset has looked like this:

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(More on that project later.)  Needless to say, we decided to work inside today.  We chose another home improvement project – replacing the kitchen sink faucet.

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The old faucet had been leaking slowly for months.  I’m actually more comfortable working with electrons than water (even though the electrical projects frustrate me sometimes), but CJ and I decided it was time for it to go.

So, even though I approached the project with more than a little trepidation, I threw myself into it.

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Literally.

The first task was to get the old faucet off.  Two out of the three plastic nuts holding the faucet in place came off without too much trouble.  The third one wouldn’t budge.  There wasn’t a whole lot of clearance to get a wrench or a pair of pliers in, and I was working above my head while lying on my back, so it got increasingly frustrating to work on.  After several minutes of swearing praising the solid construction, I decided to take things to the next level, which included options such as hammer, chisel, and my electric drill.

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Victory!

After we cleaned up the sink, CJ ran out to get the new water lines, and Katherine and I got the new faucet mounted.

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Wow – that’s going to look pretty nice.

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Ah, dang.  Seriously?

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Dad, this is why we can’t have nice things.

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There.  That’s better.

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Yes.  Much.

Surprisingly, installing the new faucet seemed to be going very smoothly, but twice when I was coming out from under the sink, I nailed my head on these.

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More loud comments about the solid construction.

CJ soon returned with the water lines, and with lunch.  After we ate, I finished hooking up the water lines, and tentatively tried the new faucet.

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Success!

And no leaks!

And the hot and cold handles even deliver hot and cold water, respectively!

It was nice to have a working sink again.  And even with the shenanigans getting the old faucet off, it only took a few hours on one day.

That definitely qualifies as a win.

Saturns

In late 1996, CJ and I purchased our first Saturn – a burgundy SL1, which became CJ’s primary vehicle.  We were so happy with it that we purchased another one in 1999 – this time a blue SL1.  "Blue" became my primary vehicle for the next 7 years before being traded in for my current vehicle (a white Kia Rio).

We traded in "Red" for our third Saturn in 2004, this time a burgundy Ion.  The Ion became CJ’s primary vehicle up until this week, when on Monday she got rear-ended.  She texted me right after it happened:

The good news: I’m fine & the car is mostly fine.

The bad news: I got rear-ended and the trunk doesn’t shut because the bumper is crumpled.

Happy Monday!

The car was still drivable, and the bumper was still attached, so after dealing with the police, CJ just bungeed the trunk down and came home.  Our insurance company (Progressive) was awesome – arranging for the car to get into a local body shop the next day, and also arranging for a rental for CJ while it was in the shop.

Then I got this text from CJ yesterday:

When you have a moment, please call me at home

Uh-oh.  When I called, CJ said she just spoke with Progressive.  The agent said that the cost of the repairs would exceed the value of the Ion, so they offered to cut us a check for it.  In other words, the car was officially totaled.  The amount they were offering for the car was generous given its age – nearly 12 years – and its mileage.  We decided to let the Ion go.

When I got home, though, I found there was an unexpected side effect of us letting it go.  Lucy was on the verge of tears when CJ told her.  She insisted that she wanted to ride in the "red car" one more time.  Lucy has grown up with the Ion.  The Ion and the Rio are the only two family cars she has ever known.

So, this week – a week that literally started with a "Bang!" – we said goodbye to the longest-running vehicle we’ve ever owned.  It also brings to a close nearly 20 years of Saturns for us.  While they’ve had their share of quirks, recalls, and repairs, our Saturns were very reliable vehicles.

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Thank you, Saturn, for keeping us safe, and getting us from point A to point B all those years.

Quotable Quotes from the Gilberts

Here are the latest additions to the quoteboard.

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Lucy: Why did the ice cross the road?  Because it thawed it was too cold!

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Katherine: Rainbow magic is surprisingly lethal.

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Lucy: You’re a forgetful-head.

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Lucy: I have the remote control FISH.   OF.   DOOM!!

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Mark: Yes.  That’s EXACTLY what this Saturday needs – more maiming.

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Katherine: Pinkie Pie is so hard to get.  You need these ponies, these shops…

CJ: And that pony’s leg!  (nod)

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Lucy: Princesses wouldn’t act like that!

Mark: Why not?

Lucy: Because they’re usually royal.

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Lucy: I want warm cuddles, not cold cuddles.  I hate cold cuddles.

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(on defending their Minecraft base)

Katherine: Mom!  Put blocks underneath!

CJ: I don’t want blocks underneath.  I like it when people get sucked under and die.

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CJ: I reserve the right to shriek and smack.

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(while playing with the Little People)

Lucy: Dad, can you be my girl’s boyfriend?  And no, you can’t be the hedgehog.

A Swinging Code

CJ and I got the girls a singularly large gift this year.  It was so large, in fact, that when it arrived we put the non-descript boxes in the garage.  For Christmas morning, CJ put together a little code for the girls to solve.

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Since the gift was for both of them, CJ decided to make the code decipherable when you combined the two clues.  She wrote the clues onto two transparencies, and added four alignment symbols – the colored dots in the corners – to give the girls a hint as to how they might need to be arranged.  Once you lay one on top of the other, and line the dots up correctly, you see the solved puzzle:

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We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Swinging* New Year!

*Some assembly required in the Spring!

*Seriously, it’s in the garage.

 

At which point the girls hurriedly put on their slippers, and snuck out to the garage briefly to see the still-in-the-box swing set.  This is a serious swing set – sturdy enough even for adults, which means it should last the girls until they move out.

They were are very excited.

I love Lucy

The Gilbert family quote board is full again, and when I took it down to publish them, I realized they all involved Lucy this time!

 

Lucy: “I finally woke up happy today.  I am only missing a couple of inches of sleep.”

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September 29, Mom: “We got to update your Christmas and birthday wish lists.  The grandparents will be asking for them soon.”

Lucy: “Gosh, can’t they wait until it starts snowing?!”

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CJ and Lucy noticed a cat trying to get under our grill.  CJ shooed it away.  Lucy’s response?  “Hellooo Kitty!”

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Lucy: “I can’t use my memory.  I think the hyper-drive is broken.”

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Lucy: “I want to be just like my daddy when I grow up.  Well, maybe not the beard.”

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I love Lucy.  She’s mine.  You can’t have her.