Where Mark gets schooled in Math

Yesterday, Lucy and I were playing war.  We had already gone a few rounds when I announced that I’d like to play more, and then quit.  Lucy pushed back saying she wanted to play until one of us had all of the cards.  I reminded her that war could go on a very long time, and so I wanted to stop after one round.

Lucy: 3 more rounds, then.

Mark: Ok, 2.

Lucy: No, 3.

Mark: 2

Lucy: 3

Mark: Lucy, that’s not negotiating.

Lucy: Yes it is.  You wanted to play 1 round.  I wanted to play INFINITY rounds.  So, 3 is a compromise.

Mark: I-  umm…  Dang.  I really can’t argue with that.


We played 3.


Linguistic Spaghetti

CJ (to Lucy): You’re the birthday girl, so you wanted the head of Caterpie, right?


Lucy: Pretty much if you see me going for weapons, it’s not a good sign  (on obtaining LEGO accoutrements).


CJ: Lucy has homework tonight.
Mark: Is it diabolical homework?
Lucy: Sadly, no.


Corey (friend of Katherine): I want to watch a shrimp documentary.


Lucy: I just un-huge-ified the video.


(Lucy avoids stepping on a slug.)
CJ: Lucy shows mercy to slugs.
Katherine: Yeah, ‘cuz we’re total pacifists.
Lucy: Except for spiders.  Then it’s genocide.


Lucy: My hair is a fat booger-butt.


CJ (started by a creeper while playing Minecraft): Ahh!  Screeper!
Mark: “Screeper”?
CJ: Keeper!  No wait.  Craper!  (descending into laughter)  It go boom!

Quotable Quotes from the Gilberts

Here are the latest additions to the quoteboard.


Lucy: Why did the ice cross the road?  Because it thawed it was too cold!


Katherine: Rainbow magic is surprisingly lethal.


Lucy: You’re a forgetful-head.


Lucy: I have the remote control FISH.   OF.   DOOM!!


Mark: Yes.  That’s EXACTLY what this Saturday needs – more maiming.


Katherine: Pinkie Pie is so hard to get.  You need these ponies, these shops…

CJ: And that pony’s leg!  (nod)


Lucy: Princesses wouldn’t act like that!

Mark: Why not?

Lucy: Because they’re usually royal.


Lucy: I want warm cuddles, not cold cuddles.  I hate cold cuddles.


(on defending their Minecraft base)

Katherine: Mom!  Put blocks underneath!

CJ: I don’t want blocks underneath.  I like it when people get sucked under and die.


CJ: I reserve the right to shriek and smack.


(while playing with the Little People)

Lucy: Dad, can you be my girl’s boyfriend?  And no, you can’t be the hedgehog.

I love Lucy

The Gilbert family quote board is full again, and when I took it down to publish them, I realized they all involved Lucy this time!


Lucy: “I finally woke up happy today.  I am only missing a couple of inches of sleep.”


September 29, Mom: “We got to update your Christmas and birthday wish lists.  The grandparents will be asking for them soon.”

Lucy: “Gosh, can’t they wait until it starts snowing?!”


CJ and Lucy noticed a cat trying to get under our grill.  CJ shooed it away.  Lucy’s response?  “Hellooo Kitty!”


Lucy: “I can’t use my memory.  I think the hyper-drive is broken.”


Lucy: “I want to be just like my daddy when I grow up.  Well, maybe not the beard.”


I love Lucy.  She’s mine.  You can’t have her.

Natural Rhetoriticians

Natural Rhetoriticians: that’s what you get when you mate a philosopher & English major…

Our children know how to argue. Let’s face it… when their mom was an English major and their dad was a philosophy major, they are surrounded by words.  We are constantly explaining and persuading them why their parents’ way is best.  It’s not surprising that they’d turn the tables on us and try to persuade us why their way is best!  Of course, with kids, their arguments are only limited by their imaginations…

Some examples…

Lucy & CJ were kicking a ball back and forth in the front yard. Lucy wanted CJ to look away so that Lucy could kick a ball in the goal without her mom blocking it.

Lucy: Mom, there’s a pretty flower growing behind you!

CJ shakes her head.

Lucy: Mom, there’s a bee flying behind you!

CJ [shakes her head again]: Nah… it’s not so easy to get me to turn around…”

Lucy [throws her arms up in the air]: Look, there’s a grass monster, OK?!?


Lucy: But I don’t want to go potty…

CJ: [Trying to get her to go before we left the house] But sitting there for a minute won’t hurt you.

Lucy: Yes, it will – it will eat my butt!

Comical moments from the Gilberts

While driving past something really smelly

Lucy: What is that smell?

CJ: I don’t know, honey.

Lucy: Well, I didn’t toot!


While playing Story Wars…

CJ: I feel like I’m not winning…

Katherine: That’s because you aren’t!

Grandma Gilbert was explaining to Lucy that she doesn’t roller skate because the first time she roller skated she broke her tailbone.

Lucy: But if you don’t roller skate, you can’t see if you get better with practice.

CJ [after some further discussion] Well, Grandma just decided to practice other things, to get better at other things.

Lucy: Oh…. Like skateboarding? [Cue the riotous laughter from the adults]


[Lego Minifigs come in opaque packages where you don’t know which one you are getting until you open it. However, CJ really wanted to get some of the scientist minifigs for the girls for Christmas last year…]

CJ: I spent like 20 minutes in Toys R Us feeling up the minifig packages to find these!

Grandma Gilbert: And they didn’t call the cops on you?


Overheard while playing with Legos…

Katherine: We have Maximus Pig Wheelbarrow

Lucy: Yeah, it’s a nice day… and then my hair pops off!


Katherine: I suck my thumb at you, sir!

CJ: Nooooo… It’s I bite my thumb at you, sir!


On winters…

Lucy to her parent: Have a good time shoveling. Don’t let your boogers freeze!


Dad [sarcastically]: Hey, what’s that bright thing in the sky?

Lucy [excitedly]: What is it?!?

Dad: The sun, Lucy.

Lucy: I wanna see it!


CJ to Mark: Drive safely – watch out for black ice… or potholes…

Lucy: Or hamsters!


On Easter morning we heard giggling from Lucy’s room…

Lucy: Mom! There’s chocolate all over my room! How’d that get there?


And a few one-lines from Katherine to close us out:

Katherine: My Little Wookieeeee… My Little Wookieeee…. [to the tune of My Little Pony]

Katherine: I have the ninja Chihuahuas of doom!

Katherine: The parents need to step up their game in the craziness area.

We’ve Angered the Squirrels

Lucy and I were playing badminton in our backyard with my brother James earlier this week, and because we are all excellent (cough cough) players, we actually got one of the birdies stuck about 15 feet up in a tree.

I happened to look out this evening into the backyard, and it looked like the birdie was now sitting on the lawn.  I figured the wind knocked it down, so I walked out to retrieve it.

Wait a minute.  Wind doesn’t do this.


Something not only got the birdie out of the tree, it tried to eat it, too.  My money is on the squirrels.  I’ll bet one of them thought he hit the jackpot with the giant, rainbow-colored acorn he found. 

After discovering that it was NOT, in fact, a giant, rainbow-colored acorn, the enraged rodent decided to make a point on our lawn by shredding the birdie, and leaving the pieces where I could find them.

Clearly, the squirrels in our yard have anger-management issues.

A Killer Blog Post

Read on WashingtonPost.com:

…three New York pediatricians whom Google otherwise ranks highly and who have really killer patient ratings…*

In any other context, "killer" would mean "awesome, fantastic, outstanding".  When you’re talking about a medical doctor, though, you might want to find better adjectives.



*Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/06/30/always-click-the-first-google-result-you-might-want-to-stop-doing-that/

Bunny Summer Camp

Lucy recently had a sleepover at Grandpa’s and Grandma’s house – the very first one where she was the only grandchild sleeping over – so this was a big deal.  She had a great time, and came home about as tired as we expected her to be following the overnight.

Shortly before bedtime that night, we got a call from the grandparents.  Among the many toys that joined her for the sleepover was her beloved Bunny.


Bunny, Grandma informed us, didn’t make the return trip.  She was still at their house.


In a valiant effort to avoid a meltdown, CJ pulled out one of Lucy’s other favorite stuffed animals – Mouse, from the “If you give a mouse a cookie” book.  Lucy hadn’t played with Mouse for a while, so we were hoping the novelty would avoid her asking the difficult question – “Where is Bunny?”

It worked for about 5 minutes.

Lucy: “Where is Bunny?”

CJ: “Sweetheart, Bunny is unfortunately at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  If the weather is good, we can get Bunny back in a few days.”

Lucy did not take that well.  She spent the next 45 minutes sobbing, and wasn’t able to calm down, let alone go to sleep.  At the 45 minute mark, I relieved CJ.

“Lucy, Let’s imagine Bunny is a scientist, and she’s in the field studying the unusual traits of Specius Grandma-icus.”

Lucy stopped sobbing.  “That didn’t cheer me up, but at least I stopped crying.”

Well, it was progress.  “Or we imagine Bunny is a spy…”

Lucy replied, “That didn’t cheer me up either.”

“Ok, what if we imagine Bunny was at Bunny Summer Camp?  What kinds of activities would she be doing?”

“Canoeing?”  Lucy asked.

Trying to be funny, I replied, “Would she use her ears to paddle?”  Now, please understand that I pictured Bunny leaning over the side of the canoe, with her ears in the water.  My intentions were pure.  Lucy’s mind, however, went somewhere else entirely.

“Yeah, she would rip her ears off, and use them as paddles.”


Lucy breaks into mad giggles.

“Um, ok, what else would Bunny do?”

Lucy responded, “To roast marshmallows, she would rip her arm off, and hold it in the other arm, put the marshmallow in it, and stick it over the fire.”


Even more mad giggles.  This summer camp had suddenly turned nightmarish, but at least Lucy was laughing about it.

“Lucy, I don’t think I EVER want to go to that summer camp.”

Lucy responded, “You have to, ’cause I signed you up for it!”


More giggles.

Sigh.  It was morbid, but it got the job done.  Lucy was able to calm down enough after that to go to sleep.  The weather didn’t cooperate for several days, however, so Bunny ended up hitching a ride with the postman to get home.