Funnies from Lucy–now with extra sharpness!

Ok – who gave Lucy access to the whetstone?!  Her wit got a whole lot sharper over the last year.

(Lucy & CJ were playing with LEGOs)
Lucy Character 1: We have to take emergency measures!
Lucy Character 2: Wait – how do you measure an emergency?

(Lucy was cutting up carrots a little loudly)
Mark: You don’t have to be all “Hulk cut!” with them.
Lucy: (Sullenly).  Ok.  I’ll cancel the costume.

(Lucy was drinking orange juice; the container read “Calcium & Vitamin D”)
Lucy: I didn’t know our O.J. had calculus in it.
CJ: (with a little laugh) nice one.
Lucy: Though I’m sad it doesn’t have plus.
CJ: Haha!

Lucy: I brew potion.  (trying to pronounce “Ibuprofen”)

Mark: You can’t just read random numbers and turn them into the current time.
Lucy: Well then we gonna (sic) make some changes to the natural laws of physics.

Mark (walking into the room): IT IS I – YOUR ANCESTOR
Lucy: I farted in approval of your arrival.
Mark: …

Leapin’ Leporidae!

One of Lucy’s recurring school assignments is to use a word she is learning in a sentence.  Lucy writes the sentences on sticky-notes, which I frequently find on the microwave (aka, our family bulletin board) when I get home.

Lucy’s initial goal was to incorporate “bunny” into every sentence she wrote.  She later expanded that to incorporate her friend, Mckala, too.  For example:

“The bunnies grabbed the rope and almost toppled over themselves, trying to pull me and Mckala up the climing [sic] wall.”

And yes, she signed her name on this one with a smiley and a carrot.

Where Mark gets schooled in Math

Yesterday, Lucy and I were playing war.  We had already gone a few rounds when I announced that I’d like to play more, and then quit.  Lucy pushed back saying she wanted to play until one of us had all of the cards.  I reminded her that war could go on a very long time, and so I wanted to stop after one round.

Lucy: 3 more rounds, then.

Mark: Ok, 2.

Lucy: No, 3.

Mark: 2

Lucy: 3

Mark: Lucy, that’s not negotiating.

Lucy: Yes it is.  You wanted to play 1 round.  I wanted to play INFINITY rounds.  So, 3 is a compromise.

Mark: I-  umm…  Dang.  I really can’t argue with that.

 

We played 3.

Linguistic Spaghetti

CJ (to Lucy): You’re the birthday girl, so you wanted the head of Caterpie, right?

 

Lucy: Pretty much if you see me going for weapons, it’s not a good sign  (on obtaining LEGO accoutrements).

 

CJ: Lucy has homework tonight.
Mark: Is it diabolical homework?
Lucy: Sadly, no.

 

Corey (friend of Katherine): I want to watch a shrimp documentary.

 

Lucy: I just un-huge-ified the video.

 

(Lucy avoids stepping on a slug.)
CJ: Lucy shows mercy to slugs.
Katherine: Yeah, ‘cuz we’re total pacifists.
Lucy: Except for spiders.  Then it’s genocide.

 

Lucy: My hair is a fat booger-butt.

 

CJ (started by a creeper while playing Minecraft): Ahh!  Screeper!
Mark: “Screeper”?
CJ: Keeper!  No wait.  Craper!  (descending into laughter)  It go boom!

Quotable Quotes from the Gilberts

Here are the latest additions to the quoteboard.

***

Lucy: Why did the ice cross the road?  Because it thawed it was too cold!

***

Katherine: Rainbow magic is surprisingly lethal.

***

Lucy: You’re a forgetful-head.

***

Lucy: I have the remote control FISH.   OF.   DOOM!!

***

Mark: Yes.  That’s EXACTLY what this Saturday needs – more maiming.

***

Katherine: Pinkie Pie is so hard to get.  You need these ponies, these shops…

CJ: And that pony’s leg!  (nod)

***

Lucy: Princesses wouldn’t act like that!

Mark: Why not?

Lucy: Because they’re usually royal.

***

Lucy: I want warm cuddles, not cold cuddles.  I hate cold cuddles.

***

(on defending their Minecraft base)

Katherine: Mom!  Put blocks underneath!

CJ: I don’t want blocks underneath.  I like it when people get sucked under and die.

***

CJ: I reserve the right to shriek and smack.

***

(while playing with the Little People)

Lucy: Dad, can you be my girl’s boyfriend?  And no, you can’t be the hedgehog.

I love Lucy

The Gilbert family quote board is full again, and when I took it down to publish them, I realized they all involved Lucy this time!

 

Lucy: “I finally woke up happy today.  I am only missing a couple of inches of sleep.”

***

September 29, Mom: “We got to update your Christmas and birthday wish lists.  The grandparents will be asking for them soon.”

Lucy: “Gosh, can’t they wait until it starts snowing?!”

***

CJ and Lucy noticed a cat trying to get under our grill.  CJ shooed it away.  Lucy’s response?  “Hellooo Kitty!”

***

Lucy: “I can’t use my memory.  I think the hyper-drive is broken.”

***

Lucy: “I want to be just like my daddy when I grow up.  Well, maybe not the beard.”

***

I love Lucy.  She’s mine.  You can’t have her.

Natural Rhetoriticians

Natural Rhetoriticians: that’s what you get when you mate a philosopher & English major…

Our children know how to argue. Let’s face it… when their mom was an English major and their dad was a philosophy major, they are surrounded by words.  We are constantly explaining and persuading them why their parents’ way is best.  It’s not surprising that they’d turn the tables on us and try to persuade us why their way is best!  Of course, with kids, their arguments are only limited by their imaginations…

Some examples…

Lucy & CJ were kicking a ball back and forth in the front yard. Lucy wanted CJ to look away so that Lucy could kick a ball in the goal without her mom blocking it.

Lucy: Mom, there’s a pretty flower growing behind you!

CJ shakes her head.

Lucy: Mom, there’s a bee flying behind you!

CJ [shakes her head again]: Nah… it’s not so easy to get me to turn around…”

Lucy [throws her arms up in the air]: Look, there’s a grass monster, OK?!?

 

Lucy: But I don’t want to go potty…

CJ: [Trying to get her to go before we left the house] But sitting there for a minute won’t hurt you.

Lucy: Yes, it will – it will eat my butt!

Comical moments from the Gilberts

While driving past something really smelly

Lucy: What is that smell?

CJ: I don’t know, honey.

Lucy: Well, I didn’t toot!

 

While playing Story Wars…

CJ: I feel like I’m not winning…

Katherine: That’s because you aren’t!

Grandma Gilbert was explaining to Lucy that she doesn’t roller skate because the first time she roller skated she broke her tailbone.

Lucy: But if you don’t roller skate, you can’t see if you get better with practice.

CJ [after some further discussion] Well, Grandma just decided to practice other things, to get better at other things.

Lucy: Oh…. Like skateboarding? [Cue the riotous laughter from the adults]

 

[Lego Minifigs come in opaque packages where you don’t know which one you are getting until you open it. However, CJ really wanted to get some of the scientist minifigs for the girls for Christmas last year…]

CJ: I spent like 20 minutes in Toys R Us feeling up the minifig packages to find these!

Grandma Gilbert: And they didn’t call the cops on you?

 

Overheard while playing with Legos…

Katherine: We have Maximus Pig Wheelbarrow

Lucy: Yeah, it’s a nice day… and then my hair pops off!

 

Katherine: I suck my thumb at you, sir!

CJ: Nooooo… It’s I bite my thumb at you, sir!

 

On winters…

Lucy to her parent: Have a good time shoveling. Don’t let your boogers freeze!

 

Dad [sarcastically]: Hey, what’s that bright thing in the sky?

Lucy [excitedly]: What is it?!?

Dad: The sun, Lucy.

Lucy: I wanna see it!

 

CJ to Mark: Drive safely – watch out for black ice… or potholes…

Lucy: Or hamsters!

 

On Easter morning we heard giggling from Lucy’s room…

Lucy: Mom! There’s chocolate all over my room! How’d that get there?

 

And a few one-lines from Katherine to close us out:

Katherine: My Little Wookieeeee… My Little Wookieeee…. [to the tune of My Little Pony]

Katherine: I have the ninja Chihuahuas of doom!

Katherine: The parents need to step up their game in the craziness area.

We’ve Angered the Squirrels

Lucy and I were playing badminton in our backyard with my brother James earlier this week, and because we are all excellent (cough cough) players, we actually got one of the birdies stuck about 15 feet up in a tree.

I happened to look out this evening into the backyard, and it looked like the birdie was now sitting on the lawn.  I figured the wind knocked it down, so I walked out to retrieve it.

Wait a minute.  Wind doesn’t do this.

Something not only got the birdie out of the tree, it tried to eat it, too.  My money is on the squirrels.  I’ll bet one of them thought he hit the jackpot with the giant, rainbow-colored acorn he found. 

After discovering that it was NOT, in fact, a giant, rainbow-colored acorn, the enraged rodent decided to make a point on our lawn by shredding the birdie, and leaving the pieces where I could find them.

Clearly, the squirrels in our yard have anger-management issues.